Fathers’ Day Special Feature: Meet Seyi Falaiye, The Author of ‘The Father’s Heart’

Each year, we celebrate Fathers’ Day, but it is important to understand what it means to be a true father before we celebrate this year. A father is more than just a male specie or someone who can sire a child. To truly understand who a father is, we spoke to Seyi Falaiye, the author of the book, “The Father’s Heart: The Type of Father That You Choose To Be is the Legacy You Choose to Leave.”

He tells us about the inspiration behind this book as well as who he thinks a true father is. Grab a seat and continue reading this exciting and insightful interview.

What inspired you to write “The Father’s Heart?”

Much of it comes down to what I have seen in my upbringing and the lives of many people I have encountered. I also look at how society looks at fathers and how it seems to have stigmatized and diminished the role and the importance of the father in the home compared to how God has defined the role of what being a father means. 

I wrote this book so that men would realize what they have been called to do as fathers and for us to be encouraged to step up to the duty we have. We can no longer allow society to define a good father, but we have to look to God for what being a good father looks like so that we can leave a legacy for our children, grandchildren, and other generations to follow.

In your opinion, what defines a great father?

Presence, not presents. A good father has to be there and work to not substitute absence with gifts or other substitutes. In addition to being present, a father should work to be involved. It is easy to be there in body, but a legacy is built when we are engaged in the lives of our children.

Our lives are based on the content of our daily living, not just the words we speak. A great father is someone who walks the walk and is intentional about his walk. Many fathers show one face to the world and another at home, and this can be seen as confusing, unreliable, and disingenuous. A great father is someone whose children can trust and look to emulate his lifestyle and continue his legacy.

How does your book challenge common stereotypes about fatherhood?

Common stereotypes about fathers range widely, but from my experiences and what we may see on television or in movies, I see that they fall into several negative categories, and the negative stereotypes, while applicable to some, do not define the majority of men who take care of their families but are often overlooked. 

This book takes a more in-depth look at some of these stereotypes, and the questions in each section allow each of us to take an honest look at ourselves to see where we can make changes to disprove the stigmas about fatherhood. God gave us fatherhood as a gift, and this book is a tool to challenge us to break down these stereotypes.

Can you share a memorable story or anecdote from your life that influenced the book?

If I were to be completely honest, growing up, I never really felt like I belonged. My parents and I didn’t exactly see eye to eye, and it often ended in various disagreements. They were all about church, work, and academics, but they didn’t really seem to engage with what I was interested in unless it fit into one of those categories. Consequently, I felt like it was tough to connect with them and I often felt like I was just not good enough, especially compared to my siblings.

I turned to my friends for validation and solace, and they understood what I was going through. Many who were single mothers would vent about how the dads of their kids were never around and how hard it was to do everything on their own. My parents were not bad people by any measure, and I care about them immensely as I am sure that they do for all of us. They wanted the best for all of us, they taught us about the Lord, and they provided for our needs, but I felt that the connection was just not there. 

This was something I made sure that I would make a priority when I had my own kids. The time we spend with them doing not just the important things but the things that are significant to them can help build or break a relationship. It made me realize how important it is for dads to be there for their kids and to make sure that the investment goes beyond just the finances because you have to ask yourself what will be left once your children no longer depend on your money. That’s what this book is all about. Let’s hope society takes notice and changes its view on dads!

What role does forgiveness play in the legacy a father leaves behind?

Outside of God, all fathers have failed in some way. None of us is perfect, and none of us always gets it right. I believe that we have to build on the good experiences and learn from the unfavorable ones, but to do this, we have to learn to forgive the things that may have hurt us by realizing that our fathers are human and they sin and struggle as we do. They make mistakes as we do, and as we expect grace and forgiveness when we disappoint them, we should also give them the same when they disappoint us.

The main thing is to ensure we do not repeat their mistakes with our children. We will fail our children at some point, and they will fail us too. If we want our relationships to grow, showing them forgiveness is paramount. We want to emulate God’s character, and forgiveness is a huge part of who He is. As God extends his forgiveness to us, we want to show our children the importance of forgiveness and how it allows us to reflect God to others.

How can fathers balance providing discipline with showing love and understanding?

As the Bible says in Hebrews 12:6, “The Lord disciplines the one He loves, and He chastens everyone He accepts as His son.” God is love, and He disciplines us when we go astray out of love.

Discipline is necessary for every child, but it cannot be administered out of anger because discipline administered out of anger without love or understanding is just punishment. Whenever a child is to be disciplined, he/she needs to understand why he/she is being disciplined and that it is being done out of love to help correct detrimental behavior. 

Chastisement does not always have to be physical, but it needs to get the message across, and the message is this: “I do this, not out of anger, but because I love you and I want to see you make better decisions so that you can have a better life. I do not enjoy discipline, but it is necessary for your growth.” Our children need to feel safe in our discipline and confident in our love for them.

What advice would you give to new fathers who want to create a positive legacy for their children?

Get to know your children really well, be involved, and build a relationship with them that goes beyond the physical, such as money and possessions. Teach them the ways of God, and let them see it in you. Understand that children are a gift, and being a father is a duty that God has entrusted to you. 

God expects you to take care of this gift because children are the only thing that will endure to give testimony of what you have built your foundation on and what is important to you. You will also be accountable to God for what you do (or don’t do) with your children, so enjoy the ride as you watch them grow and develop and make sure that you invest in them and have as much fun as you can because, despite society’s views, children are amazing. Still, it is also a responsibility, so take it seriously.

Are there cultural differences in how fatherhood is perceived, and how does your book address them?

There are definitely cultural and generational differences in how fatherhood is perceived. In the West, voluntary single motherhood and having an absent father are not only accepted but celebrated and, in some cases, encouraged. In other cultures, having no father (especially in cases of wedlock) is seen as shameful, but we serve a God who loves all children irrespective of how they were conceived.

The book addresses this, and the questions at the end of each section give latitude to accommodate the various cultural mindsets, practices, and values that make a good father. The ultimate goal of the book is to point men to godliness. The book does not dictate the rules to being a good father but outlines the things that may cause a father to become ineffective in an attempt to help us make godly changes within our various generations and cultures.

What impact do you hope your book will have on readers?

I hope this book will allow men to gauge where they may stand as fathers. I would like this book to be a means to take accountability for shortcomings and celebrate where we are doing well. I hope that the impact of this book can be a tool for men and men’s groups to be able to support one another because fatherhood can be tough, and fathers will have times when we will need one another. I want this book to be an inspiration, accountability, and love instrument to help men become better fathers to following generations.

In addition, if any women read the book, it will help them to assist the fathers of their children in increasing their potential. This is not a book to demean anyone but simply to look at places we can improve. We can always use help, even if it is from the women in our lives. So, while this is a book for men, I believe women can learn to help their men from this book as well.

Lastly, can you tell us about any upcoming projects related to fatherhood or parenting and how can people purchase your book?

I am currently working on other projects with a more general audience. I am working with Kingdom Branding on a book titled “A Kingdom of One” that talks about service in God’s kingdom on Earth. I am also in the process of writing another book titled “Lights, Camera, Inaction,” which discusses the need for Christians to be active in the world around us. 

There is also a book in the works titled “Hello, My Name Is…” that examines our uniqueness and our need to embrace and accept one another. There may be more parenting books on the horizon, but for now, I have a few projects in the works, praise God.

Get This Book As a Gift for Fathers’ Day

You can purchase this book for your father or a male figure within your circle as a gift for Fathers’ Day. Click here to make your purchase. 

Read other articles about Fathers’ Day on GodKulture.